Creating your Ceremony
A non-religious service often gives people the opportunity to connect with their deepest feelings about their loved one, and some say that it is the absence of religion that gives clarity. This absence does not necessarily mean the absence of ritual however, and it can be through ritual that we can get some of our most fundamental needs met, and none more so than in death.
HOW IT WORKS
A funeral service can be as formal or informal as you want it to be. There can be music, singing, speeches, poems, photo slideshows and videos of your loved one. I can support you with your decisions about ritual, such as the scattering of rosemary or flowers on the coffin if you have chosen burial; or surrounding the coffin with flowers and photos, or closing the curtains around the coffin if in the crematorium chapel.
Whatever you choose, I can advise you on the arrangements and lead the tributes on this very special day.
BEFORE THE SERVICE…
I will arrange an informal meeting with you and any family members or friends, and I will listen as you talk about the life and the personality of your loved one. I will work with you to craft a unique celebration of their life using your words and anecdotes to truly reflect the personality of your loved one.
I will share the script with you so you’ll have the opportunity to make additions and changes, even at the last minute.
ON THE DAY…
I will work closely with your funeral director to ensure your loved one receives a seamless and dignified service.
And I will help you to celebrate the life of your loved one and invite those who wish to speak to give their eulogy. If it feels too much on the day, I will read your eulogy for you.
AFTER THE SERVICE…
I will present you and the family with a beautiful, printed copy of the full service as a memento.
And if you’re struggling down the line, I can direct you to bereavement services should you feel this support is for you.
A SUGGESTED ORDER OF SERVICE
Introduction and welcome - to friends and family.
The Tribute - this can include recorded or live music, poems and readings; eulogies, anecdotes, dance, or ritual which is meaningful to the person who has died.
The Committal – this is the part of the service where you say a formal farewell to your loved one. During a burial you may wish to scatter flowers or mementoes onto the coffin; the scattering of rosemary for remembrance is significant to many people. If you have opted for cremation, you may wish to have the curtains closed around the coffin as a symbol of release. Leaving the curtains open gives you an option to say a final farewell as you leave the chapel and perhaps lay a flower on the coffin.
Closing Words – you may wish to invite the congregation to the funeral reception; you may have chosen a benefactor with which to honour your loved one – a collection box can be made available in the chapel.
WHAT IF I WANT A PRAYER?
For many non-religious people, having a prayer read or a hymn played during the service is still an important part of the ritual of saying goodbye. Forms of ritual are significant to all culture and they can help to soothe some of the rawness and shock of grief. But there are also “non-traditional prayers”, for instance, football songs, lyrics from great musicians or famous poems, all of which can have a similar impact: words and actions which give meaning and significance to the death of the person you loved.
WHERE I WORK
I work in Essex, Hertfordshire and London. If you live further afield, I am willing to travel, though this will incur an additional fee.
memorial services
Funerals in the time of Covid have left many people feeling incomplete: limited numbers of mourners have been allowed to services and seating has been socially distanced. Thankfully, things have changed, but you may feel that there is more you can do to mark the death and the life of your loved one. You can see my fees here or please contact me to find out more.